Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Friendship, Zina, Society and Islam

HAVING FRIENDS, GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND IN ISLAM:

“Close friends, that day (Day of Judgment) will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous (who guard against evil).”

[Surah Az-Zukhruf (The Gold Adornment) (43:67)]

According to this verse of Quran man or women are not allowed to have any type of friend (male or female) who teaches bad habits or promotes for haram activities. On the Day of Judgment they will be enemies of each other.

“And Allah is most knowing about your faith. You [believers] are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people [Guardian] and give them their due compensation [Maher] according to what is acceptable. [They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers.”

[Surah An-Nisa’ (The Women) (4:25)]

This verse clearly says not to have boyfriend (secret lover) and also not to commit unlawful intercourse (i.e. intercourse with anyone other than husband is unlawful (haram)) and believer should take permission of guardian and give Maher to bride and marry.

Aishah narrated that: "The Messenger of Allah said: "Whichever woman married without the permission of her Wali her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he entered into her, then the Mahr is for her in lieu of what he enjoyed from her private part. If they disagree, then the Sultan is the Wali for one who has no Wali."

“The Prophet said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third.”

It not permissible for a man and women to sit together but with their wife or husband or Mahram. This hadith also forbid the dating with boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Hadith – Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi 3118, Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab]

PUNISHMENT IN THIS WORLD ACCORDING TO ISLAM FOR PRE-MARITAL INTERCOURSE (ZINA):

“The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse - lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment.”

[An-Nur (The Light) (24:2)]

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “Allah has written the very portion of Zina which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it (ie. then the private part either acts upon this or it does not).'”

[Hadith - Bukhari, 11/26; Muslim, 2046]

“Zina is one of the forbidden deeds, one of the most serious major sins (kabaa'ir) after shirk (associating partner with Allah) and killing.”

[Al-Furqan (The Criterion, The Standard) 25:68-70)]

But still, we have sisters telling us, "But I love him!" 

• She says, "But still, you don't know how I feel, and Allah knows my heart. I just love him so much and he loves me too".

OK - Here are some facts, dear sister. You think he "loves you"?

• No. He doesn't love you! Sister, no matter how much you think he loves you here in this world - he'll hate you a million times more on Judgment Day! He will hate you more than anyone else on the Day of Judgment! He will blame you for the relationship and he will ask Allah to throw you into Hell-Fire, instead of him.
• You think you "love him"? No. You don't! You don't love him. You lust (desire) him and want to influence his life and use him for your own desire. You will also blame him and ask Allah to throw him in hell instead of you.

Yes, Allah (SWT) will order both of you to decide that one of you will go to hell (Jahannam) and both of you will be against each other on the day of Judgment. Both of you will be blaming each other for your relationship. If you can’t be together in life hereafter, what is the use of being together in this temporary life? Or you have forgot that you have a life waiting for you which will be forever and this is temporary life and a test that is going to decide the life of hereafter? If someone want to continue relation in haram way of course he/she don’t love you and he/she is ruining your life hereafter (Akhirah) which is for forever and not for few years, if he/she loves you then get married and continue relation after that in halal way.

Do you love his "sweet words"? Sister, those "sweet words" are the whispers of the devil himself. Or maybe you "love the way other girls will be jealous of you"? Maybe you think he is a "real man" or because he seems "popular"? A real man doesn't take advantage of a girl, ruining her reputation in the community and then moving on to the next "special girl" to "love him".

Or he is "kind to you"?

How kind is it to ruin someone's life hereafter (Akhirah)? And then let them go to Hell?

A good Muslim girl only loves the man who will accept to marry because of his commitment to Allah. The more he tries to serve Allah and care for his family as a good Muslim man should according to Islam, then the more a good Muslim girl will love her husband. That is a simple fact.

If he love Allah and Islam why don’t he follow the way Islam teaches to continue relationship?

Tell your parents, you are ready for marriage. And be very serious about going through what it takes to get married (soon) to the right Muslim boy! Repent, return to Allah and never repeat same mistake again, Allah is most forgiving and merciful. Try your best to follow path of Allah (Fard) and Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) (Sunnah).

Does he want to marry you? Really? So why doesn't he talk to your father or wali, instead of talking to his buddies about how he's got this Muslim girlfriend?

Relationship in Islam?

• It's permitted. No problem to be in relation! Right after a simple agreement is fulfilled - it's called MARRIAGE (Nikah). Marriage is only the halal way in Islam to be in relation.

Now ask yourself, "Do I love Allah?" Of course you do. But there are two types of love that cannot come together in the heart of a believer:

• LOVE of Allah, the Rabbil Alameen, Lord of the Worlds, Maliki Yawmadeen, Master of the Day of Judgment!
• Love of Haram.

SOME QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF:

• Does he want good for you in this life? - Halal, faithful marriage? Maintain your virginity? Uphold your reputation? Care for your family & parents?
• Does he truly love you as his Muslim sister? Would he let his sister have a "boyfriend"? If he would, then he doesn't care much about his sister, or even Islam on that matter. If he would not allow his sister to have a boyfriend, then what about his true feelings toward you?
• Does he want good for you in the Next Life? Would he go to Hell so he can have pleasure by using you in this temporary life?
• Does he want you with him in Jannah (heaven), close to our Prophet, peace be upon him, in the Next Life?
• Does he only speak to you in front of your wali (father, brother or guardian) being present?
• Is he mutaqqeen (truly righteous)? What about you? You said you know it is Haram, but you will do it anyway? Is that righteous?- Read Surah Al Zukhruf, chapter 43, verse 67 Allah Says, "Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous"
• If you both really love each other, then why you don't want to save each other from hellfire? Instead you are doing act that will make you to shove each other into the Fire of Hell on the Judgment Day?
• If he loves you more than anyone in this universe, some even may say they love you more than Allah, the creator (Astagfirullah), then why he don’t he want you see (let you go) in Jannah (Heaven) and why he don’t want to be together in life hereafter?

Sister, wake up! STOP NOW - before it gets worse and you can't stop. You can still get out of this. Leave this HARAM way - NOW! Leave it for Allah. Turn to Allah and make Tawbah (repentance) to Allah now! Allah will grant (reward) you much more than what you will give up of this Haram.

But you have to be strong in front of shaytan (devil), strong against the shaytan's words and shaytan feelings in both of you. Remember when two person are alone the shaytan is the third on present there.

Make the first step - ask Allah, "Guide me, Allah. Forgive me and guide me to what is better for me here and in the Hereafter, Ameen." Cry! You need to. Cry more. You'll feel better.

MAHRAMS AND NON-MAHRAMS:

It is permissible for a woman to take off her hijab in front of her mahrams.

A woman’s mahram is a person whom she is never permitted to marry because of their close blood relationship (such as her father, grandfather, great-grandfather, etc., and her son, grandson, great-grandson, etc., her paternal and maternal uncles, her brother, brother’s son and sister’s son), or because because of radaa’ah or breastfeeding (such as the brother and husband of the woman who breastfed her), or because they are related by marriage (such as the mother’s husband, the husband’s father, grandfather, etc., and the husband’s son, grandson, etc.).

Except these everyone are Non-Maharam for woman even your cousin brothers, boy friends and boyfriend.

“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their khumur over their juyub and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, [...]”

[An-Noor (The Light) (24:31)]

Believing women are commanded to do in front of Non-Mahram:

1. Lower their gaze

2. Guard their private parts
3. Not display their beauty and ornaments except what (ordinarily) appears thereof
4. Take their khimar (head cover) and cover their chest (and other previously exposed areas)
5. Not to display their beauty except to their Mahrams (husbands, their fathers…etc.)

IMPORTANT: You may see boys and girls in colleges, parks, gardens and other public places, you can even see girls sitting in Naqab (Burkha) with boys and think it’s normal to have boyfriend/girlfriend but it’s not. It is one of major sin in Islam after shirk and killing. We need to make aware of this to our Ummah and stop this.

Just saying I am Muslim and saying I love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) is not enough. If you really love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) you should show it practically. If you really love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) no one need to say you to have beard on your face (for male) and no one need say to wear naqaab (burkha) to save you from the eye of strangers (for female). If you really love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) you will be interested to know if it is haram or halal before doing anything even before having boyfriend/girlfriend.

Think before its late, that do you really love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) and what is the proof that you really do? How someone is going to believe you when you say I love Allah and his Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)?

SOME HADITH AND QURAN’S VERSES RELATED TO TOPIC:

 “…We proceeded until we came across a hole in the ground that resembled a baking pit, narrow at the top and wide at the bottom. Babbling and voices were issuing from it. We looked in and saw naked men and women. Underneath the pit was a raging fire; whenever it flared up, the men and women screamed and rose with it until they almost fell out of the pit. As it subsided, they returned (to the bottom). I said: ‘Who are these?’ They said: ‘…The naked men and women who were in the pit, they are men and women who indulge in Zina…” [Bukhari]

“Say to the believing men to lower their gazes and guard their chastity… And say to the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their chastity and not to display their charms in public.” [An-Nur 24: 30-31]

“Jarir bin `Abdullah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) about (the Islamic ruling on) accidental glance (i.e., at a woman one is not Islamically allowed to look at) and he ordered me to turn my eyes away.” [Muslim]

If one suddenly sees a woman who is not a Mahram, he must at once turn away his glance from her. One should not gaze at her because then his intention is also included in his look which is a sin and constitutes the fornication of the eye. Some religious scholars have also forbidden looking at beardless handsome boys in the same way as is the case with women whom one is not allowed to see.

Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "A man must not look at a man's private parts nor must a woman look at a woman's private parts; neither should two men lie naked under one cover, nor should two women lie naked under the same cover.” [Muslim]

This Hadith tells us how Islam has closed all doors of immodesty and obscenity. When Islam does not allow a man to sleep without any clothes on with another man, and also does not permit a woman to sleep without any clothes on with another woman, how can it possibly let the gents and ladies mix freely? Free mixing of men and women is a common evil in the West and is now being projected through television in Muslim countries. May Allah guide Muslims to the Straight Path!

Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "Avoid sitting on roadsides.'' His Companions said: "O Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam), there is no other alternative but to sit there to talk.'' Thereupon the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "If you have to sit at all, then fulfill the rights of the road.'' They asked: "What are their rights?'' Thereupon he said, "Lowering the gaze (so that you may not stare at unlawful things); refraining from doing some harm to others, responding to greeting (i.e., saying `Wa`alaikumus-salam' to one another) and commanding the good and forbidding the evil.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Since roads, streets, lanes and all thorough fares are the common property of public, it is unfair to use them for private meetings and gatherings because such assemblies create inconvenience for people, especially women, who hesitate appearing before men. But if for some unavoidable reasons, one has to sit on them, then he should do such things there which should on the one side, save one from committing sins (like glazing at women who pass from there), and on the other, one should take care of the public welfare and make use of his presence for preaching religion.

Allah, the Exalted, says:

"Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart, of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allah).'' (17:36)

"Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal.'' (40:19)

"Verily, your Rubb is Ever Watchful (over them).'' (89:14)

ALLAH KNOWS THE BEST

SOCIAL ASPECT: (Can be shared with Non-Muslims)

Sisters, there are generally three person in your life who will be good to you and always think good for you. They are:

• Father
• Mother
• Brother

If something is there you are not able to share with anyone of them you are most probably in the danger zone (haram) not only in case of boyfriend, it is applicable in any case. No parents want their daughter to live difficult life, they will find perfect husband for you. You don’t need to struggle for it. They are sending you to schools, colleges and institutes give you education so that it would be easy for them to find a successful and perfect husband for you, of course not for finding a boyfriend or husband for yourself.

• If something goes wrong with your boyfriend whom you are going to talk, to complain? No one except your friends and if he leaves you it would fun for your friends about you and your character and even some people may make fun of your parents, can you forgive yourself if someone points fingers toward you parents and family because of you?
• If it is with husband everyone is there with you your parents, family and society too.
• Nowadays, there are many cases that when girls and boys are in relation they take photos, videos together and after breakup or if they are married to some else, these videos and photos are used for blackmailing. Many cases are there that these photos and videos has been uploaded on internet and has been reason for suicide (Suicide is also one on Haram act in Islam and person who cause his/her life to destruction by him/herself will be in Hell forever). Do you think it would be acceptable for your parents, family or husband that you have been in a secret relation?

Do you think you are lonely and your life doesn’t mean anything to anyone in this world? Do you think no one cares whatever you do? Do you think you are free and nothing will make difference if you do wrong or right? Do you think your parents are rude because they don’t allow you to go out and have fun with friends?

• You are wrong your parents are working whole day and night just to see you happy and to fulfil your demands, they are always with you and whatever they are doing is for you just they cannot sit with you and talk whole day because they are working just to see you happy. Of course it makes difference to your parents that what you do, it matters to your parents what you are doing is wrong or right, no you are not free to do anything right or wrong, if you do right people may not notice but if you do and it’s wrong they are going to take each and every point and blame you and point finger toward your parents that you are their daughter, toward your brother that he that you are his sister, toward your family that they are not able to control and take care of you. Of course no parents like to be rude to their children and they want to see you happy every moment, they want to take care of you from being blamed and want to take care of their and your prestige in the society.

IMPORTANT: Many of us make excuse that we don’t have knowledge of Islam and hadith, saying this in 21^st century won’t make any sense just open google.com and type your problem and hit enter the solution will be in front of you. Don’t learn to misuse technology it can be in right way too.

Remember, "Never wait for tomorrow to fix what you are doing today! Tomorrow may never come!"

JAZAKALLAH KHAIR!!